[This article originally appeared on AOL Personals in April 2009.]
Last night was awesome. You went out to a bar, met an attractive woman, had a great conversation, and eventually got her phone number. So, now what?
If you’re like a lot of chumps out there, you’ll place the number in your sock drawer, never to be seen (or called) again. But you’re not a chump, and you’re not satisfied with just collecting phone numbers.
“A phone number by itself is worthless,” says Nick Savoy, CEO of Love Systems (a company that teaches men how to meet and pickup women). “It’s an admission of failure. It means you couldn’t take the interaction any further and had to resort to getting a phone number.”
It’s important to know how to transition from getting a phone number to seeing the woman a second time.
When Should You Call?
Forget any of the rules you’ve heard about when to call. There are no absolutes in this area (2 days, 3 days, etc.). “The more positive and memorable your initial encounter was, the longer you can wait to call,” explains Nick. If you spent an amazing three hours with this woman, she won’t easily forget you. “On the other hand, if you had a very short encounter, like at a club, go ahead and text her that night.” Also, don’t call at awkward times, like Friday nights (she’s probably busy), or Saturday mornings (she’s probably sleeping).
Prepare Before You Call
Get yourself into a good mood first. Listen to some music to get pumped up. If you’re having a bad day, do not call. If one girl blows you off, don’t call another one afterward. Your mood will show through in your voice. Smile when you talk and be high-energy.
Also, train yourself to not ask questions. You don’t want to put the woman through an interrogation. “Instead of asking her where she’s from, tell her she seems like she’s from the Midwest,” suggests Nick.
If you’re really nervous, it’s okay to jot down some notes, including objectives for the call and stories to talk about.
The First Call
“The purpose of the first call is to solidify yourself in her mind. Remind her why she was interested in you – reestablish attraction and comfort,” explains Nick, “You’re making yourself relevant to her life.”
The first call shouldn’t be more than 10-15 minutes. You want it to be short and sweet. Don’t start by saying, “Hi, how are you?” Instead, launch directly into a story about a recent experience. You want her to enjoy the conversation – not get bored and end the call. You should wait for a high point in the conversation, then end it yourself. There’s no need to ask her out on a date on the first call, unless she’s very enthusiastic about hanging out. “Just have a short, fun conversation, then tell her your buddy’s here and you have to go,” suggests Nick.
If your call goes directly to voicemail, either leave a short message, or send her a text, saying you must have missed her. Be sure to sign your text messages. And definitely don’t call back multiple times.
The Second Call
If you didn’t ask her out on your first call (which you shouldn’t have done), use the second call to talk about someplace fun you’re already planning to go (or an event you’re attending), and if she expresses interest, invite her to come along with you. But don’t ask her unless she’s really enthusiastic.
Conversation with a lovely woman can be addictive, but don’t become her phone buddy. Keep your phone conversations short (10-15 minutes). You don’t have an hour and a half to talk to some random girl you met at a bar. The phone is just a means to seeing her again in person.