Not a Righteous Man

I am not a righteous man. My sins are many and my shame is great. The evil in my body and the evil in my mind are fully aware. They’re powerful—more powerful than I. I do what I hate. And I fail to do what I love. I’m in a personal war with few allies. My past haunts me and tries to define me. My failures stare at me from the faces of those I’ve failed in the past—from my photo albums and my yearbooks—from the memories permanently scratched on the tablets of my mind. The devil is my enemy and, yet, my closest companion. I cover my head with the guilt of a lifetime of treason. I hate myself for hating God. I’m unworthy of the Gift. Please, Lord, take it from me, and give it to those I’ve failed to love. I’m buried now under the dirt of my dearly departed’s future graves. My God, I’ve not done a thing. Dearest Lord—my sweetest friend—be with me now and do not leave me. Help me find my way, because I am lost without Your leadership.

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