World of change

Things are changing. There’s no denying. My environment has changed. Things beyond my control. Family members leave. Friends leave. My knowledge of myself increases. I’ve begun to accept the fact that certain dreams will never come true, and I begin to dream of other things. New people. A new future to hope for. The majority of my life has been unconsciously spent trying to gain the respect and acceptance of one person (and resenting everyone and everything that got in the way). Who I am. My interests. My sense of humor. My style. It’s all called into question, now that I’ve come to terms with the futility of such life-long pipedreams. I am who I am, and people are who they are. And sometimes things just work out the way they do. When you strip away all the façades, armor and well-intended modifications of my persona, you get me. Just me. Alone. With no other interest but to love someone or something. Nothing else is important. God, me and love. That’s my life. What form my surroundings take is acquiescent to the core. My material and superficial interests are only slant, observable depictions of who I am and what I love. Nothing but God can satisfy my cravings for love. But some things come close. None closer than the love of a companion. The love of a child. Of a family. Things are changing. Hopefully, for the better. The next phase in life is beginning, and I’m walking into it with eyes wide open. I’m brave. But maybe too brave. I’m loyal. But maybe too loyal. I don’t give up. But maybe I should. How long is life? Eighty years? It’s a fraction of a second. It’s easy to be brave in life. And my afterlife is assured. There is only one thing that worries me. And I will devote my life to help resolve it. If that’s all I accomplish in life, it’s enough. It’s enough, because my time is short. And one good thing in life is better than none.

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