Michael Tolosa

I’ve had a lot of exposure to a singles group lately, which I don’t attend, but have friends who do. I won’t mention the name of this group, but if you’re close to the situation, you can probably figure it out. I actually attended this group for a brief stint several years ago, but never connected with anyone there. I never thought the environment was truly very friendly.

The problem with singles groups is that whatever the group hopes to accomplish, the ultimate reason most people are there is to meet someone to date/marry. Whatever spiritual, outward-focused goals the group may have, the members have an overriding selfish goal for being there.

If the attendees were truly there for worship, then they would go to the normal church service. But they’re there to meet potential mates.

I noticed that the dynamics are different for the men and women who attend. The women, while still inwardly competing with one another, find strength in numbers. They huddle and form strong friendships with the other single women. This makes them a large pack and actually less approachable — which is ironic, because I assume they want to be approached.

The men, on the other hand, view all the other men as competition and want nothing to do with building close friendships with any of them. Depending on how desperate they are, they may give a token pleasantry to the other guys if cornered into a conversation, but some will be downright rude to you, if they see you as worthy competition.

Social times at these meetings closely resemble a situation in wildlife, where the lions (men) cirlce a pack of gazelles (women), in search of their prey. Since the women have formed these tight packs, it’s harder for the men to find a target. But when a gazelle breaks away from the pack, then several lions immediately descend on her.

I met several guys this weekend, who attend this group, and with one notable exception (a very friendly guy named Leo), most of the men seemed very reluctant to make my acquaintance. Instead of being greeted with a warm handshake, I was metaphorically peed upon by the “dominant” males.

Now I’m the last person to compete over a woman, and when I find myself in those situations, I’m totally content to walk away and wait to cross paths with another person not wrapped up in such dynamics. But I’m still fascinated to see such primitive behavior on display within modern day interactions.

I’ve concluded this weekend that it’s good that I’m not involved in this group and will stop going to their social functions.

It’s not that I’m not looking to meet my own potential mate. I would just like to do so while serving God in ministry. I don’t want to go to a meeting/event solely designed for the purpose of meeting someone. I want to meet someone through service — someone who shares my calling for evangelism and communication through new media. The only way I’m going to meet someone like that is by doing those things and seeing who I meet in the process.

I had a conversation with a friend last night about whether or not she believed a close friend was saved. She said he claimed to be saved, but wanted nothing to do with God — that he was already saved, so he didn’t need to change his life to follow Jesus or subject himself to God’s law or Jesus’ lordship. While I certainly can’t see into a person’s heart, the Bible for sure provides guidance in evaluating the state of your own heart and those of others. Far be it from me to judge another’s heart. I’ll let the Bible do that for me…

For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit, for each tree is known by its own fruit. – Luke 6:43-44a

Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. – Galatians 5:19-23a

So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. – James 2:17

Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, but when the sun rose they were scorched. And since they had no root, they withered away. … As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away. – Matthew 13:5-6, 20-21

They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us. – 1 John 1:19

If you love Me, you will keep my commandments. – John 14:15

I grew up in a Christian home, but it wasn’t until college when I became born again. This is my testimony.

Note: If you’re also a Christian and would like to share your testimony, I would love to film and post in on my new website… TestimonyVideos.com. Please email me, and we can set something up!